Welcome, I’m so glad you found your way here to Integral Soul. I want to take a moment to tell you about myself and my journey to now. This is a kind of long story, but I’ve been on the planet in this embodiment for quite awhile now.
I was born in 1954 on Long Island, New York. The beautiful Atlantic Ocean and the Great South Bay still hold a deep soul connection for me.
I am one of the forerunners of wayshowers who came to Earth in a pivotal time, when human consciousness was about to experience a dawn of awareness which was joyfully ushered in through the music of Rock n’ Roll. (I have a vivid memory of being about four years old and standing in front of the black and white television set trying to do the twist with Chubby Checker!) Those beats literally began to shake loose the constrictions of thoughts, behaviours and beliefs that came to be questioned during the intensely creative, turbulent and transformative years of the 1960s.
Of course it was a few decades before I realized I was a wayshower. The shock of birth into this density knocked dormant all memory of my own vastness. However, visions and ideas would rise within me that I learned to keep to myself. I wasn’t able to assimilate into the miasma of human competition and status, which was always present, even as a small child. I grew to think I was weird and that there was something wrong with me. Children were treated as an extension of their parents in those days, not as actual people with minds and feelings of their own. It was a challenge to navigate a world filled with expectations of others. I tried to learn to be what I thought “they” wanted me to be but that was confusing and my essence would blast out in messy ways that would leave me feeling frightened of myself.
With that said, there was a lot of love in my family and I am blessed to be very close to my two sisters and their children and grandchildren. My parents and grandparents were the best people they could be considering the times they lived through - the great depression and world wars. We all come from ancestral lines that carry beliefs and patterns and as children we integrate it all, plus whatever is going on in the timeline and culture we grow up in.
I have a condition called synaesthesia, which is a merging of senses, so color has sound, sound has color, numbers have colors, days of the week, months, all have colors and textures, and so on. This is a wonderful gift - it feeds into my paintings and into the readings I do for others - but as a child it added to my sense of feeling isolated and separate from those around me - like a weirdo! (Woo-Hoo - we are free to celebrate our weirdness now!)
I think the wayshowers and “early indigo children” that were born in the 40s and 50s and 60s can relate to what I’ve written here. It could be lonely and frustrating to see the world differently and to know there’s more than what we were being shown. We’ve always known there’s more to life than getting and spending and being “normal”.
The assassination of JFK, when I was 9 years old, was a deeply tragic and pivotal moment followed just a few months later by the entry of the Beatles, which ushered in a kundalini sea change in consciousness awakening. There was also the fury of the Vietnam War and the protests and marches, along with the Civil Rights movement and the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King followed by the assassination of Robert Kennedy just two months later. A volatile time to come of age on this wave of creative and destructive energy which seemed to crest around 1969 and then break and dissipate into something called “the ME generation” the downside of sex, drugs and rock and roll. The mid to late 1970s carry my least favourite memories, for it was my darkest drop into density and unconsciousness.
In 1979 I moved to Brooklyn Heights, just across the East River from New York City. I was so happy to live there. I feel a deep soul connection with that historical neighbourhood and with the Brooklyn Bridge in particular.
I loved the humming vibrancy of New York City and was also happy to be slightly removed from it, to gaze out to the tall buildings that rose in jagged monoliths across the East River from the Brooklyn Heights Promenade. I watched many sunsets there.
In 1981 I experienced a spontaneous spiritual/psychic awakening. It was very intense to be blasted open while living in such an urban environment. I already was an empath, but didn’t know it. My psychic awareness came online at this time and I had no idea what was happening to me. It was at once terrifying and wonderful. There wasn’t a lot of information out there about this kind of experience and I was very ungrounded and destabilized until someone handed me the book Seth Speaks. I feel this book saved my life and helped me to begin to learn about the nature of reality. Thank you to Seth, Jane Roberts and Robert Butts for bringing forth this information that is of course still valid in today’s world. I also want to thank Ram Dass, because his book Be Here Now also helped me to open to my experience at that time.
This psychic opening was like a spotlight on beliefs, programming and my own wounding. It was very painful to look at myself and see my shadow – all the feelings I tried to hide from - revealed so completely. Being faced with the truth of my being – all the judgements I had against myself, memories of things I’d done and said that I wished I hadn’t, missed opportunities, all of my shadow was highlighted. I was filled with self doubt and self criticism, shame, self loathing, unworthiness and extreme guilt, all of which led to paralyzing fear. At times it was a harrowing experience and at other times I was filled with awesome wonder when I glimpsed the Vastness of the All That Is. In order to heal the deep wound, all I had to do was love myself, which was tragically difficult to do. Enlightenment ain’t pretty! Inner vision had also awakened in me at this time and I began to paint the visions I saw with my inner eye, which has always helped me in navigating the healing process as well as staying open to following my intuition through painting my inner world.
The ensuing years were a journey of separating my truth from all the untruths that were cloaking me with density. If ever there were a hero’s journey, this is it. With the help of inner and outer guidance I began to open to loving myself. I slowly began to unravel all the self-criticism and shame and fear that had been living within me since the time I was a small child. My Divine Soul Essence went deep into hiding before I could even walk! But that spark of Source Light was never snuffed out.
I am so grateful for all the other wayshowers – energy workers, psychic intuitive guides, counsellors, body workers and friends who have helped me along the way. We can’t do this awakening alone and there are so many wonderful modalities and people who have dedicated their lives to be in service to others in their awakening process. I have called this process of clearing out the density and bringing in the light “loving myself awake”. Loving oneself, loving one’s shadow and wounding, is a sacred elixir of healing. As we go through transformations within, our outer world changes as well.
In the early 90s I became a certified Reflexologist and I also completed training in Reiki Usui Shiki Ryoho levels I and II and am now a Reiki Master. The Reiki raised my frequency and so a course correction was in order. In 1994 I left Brooklyn and a beloved relationship of 14 years and moved to the Catskill Mountains of New York. I could no longer thrive in the urban environment. Although it was a painful change, I was so happy to be among the trees, mountains, rivers and lakes.
During this process I began to hone my psychic abilities and eventually began exploring channelling. Through the guidance of a channeller from Utah named Pauline Larsen, whom I met at a writing conference in 1999, I received messages that I could open my energy to speak with beings of the highest light and love. She gave me some practical guidance on how to begin doing this and helped me to have the confidence to explore this new territory. A few years later, I met the late channel and guide Terra Sonora, who lived near me, and I began going to her channelling evenings and attended some workshops she taught on opening to channel. (I established at the very beginning of this path that I would only receive information from the highest vibrational beings of love.) It was at this time that I was guided to serve others by doing psychic readings. The biggest lesson I received from doing this work was to trust myself and to trust the information that was coming through me for my clients. It has always been about love, the messages come from love, which softens and opens our connection to the Divine within and without.
Around 2003 I began to channel a group who called themselves Many of One and started sharing their offerings on my blog The Vibe Report. Then in 2007 I completed training in a modality of Akashic Record readings called Soul Realignment®. I went on to complete levels two and three in this modality and offered Akashic Record clearings for many years.
In the year 2010, I had a vision of Many of One retreating, fading from my view. I reached out and asked where they were going, and they said to me, with humour, “It is you who are leaving!” I realized that I was floating onward into the unknown and then I heard the words “Vastness of Being” and I was being asked if I would like to work with this group consciousness The Vastness of Being. Immediately I said yes, and so it is that I was introduced to the VOB. This group of helpers and guides hail from Arcturus, (my Soul has had many incarnations within the Arcturus system), as well as other star systems, and also Earth nature spirits and other guides who come in and out of my awareness when tuning in to the Vastness of Being. The Vastness of Being has showed me the Vastness of my own being, helping me to remember who I am in the Big Picture. When I open to this Vastness in group sessions, I am tuning in to each individual’s Vastness and the experience becomes the Vastness of Our Being. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be of service in this way.
In 2010 I met a Canadian guy at Mountain Jam Music Festival at Hunter Mountain, NY. Another life-changing moment with music as a catalyst. We decided to merge our lives and in 2012 I moved to Ontario, Canada, in a beautiful area of lakes and rivers. After the 2012 solstice and into the new year of 2013, I felt like I was suspended in the air, just hanging there, untethered, and I kept asking my guides, what am I to do now? What is my next step? Over and over I would ask this and I kept getting the same answer: “Do Nothing.” How could I do nothing? I was so used to DOing – I always had more than one job to pay the bills in addition to the readings I was doing. At that time I wasn’t legally able to work in Canada and I was restless and had a very hard time releasing into BE-ing instead of DO-ing. Suddenly I had this burning desire to learn how to knit. I had a thirst for knitting! And so I began to teach myself to knit, which is a very meditative process and helped channel my need to be doing something.
Since the turning point of winter Solstice, 2012, I had retreated from being a public presence through my blog The Vibe Report, only publishing a few messages per year. I needed to tune in to my experience as a Human BEing and a Vast Soul, on a deeper level and learn what it was that was coming forth in the new energy in a new way. I have written extensively about our unique individual essence that is our Soul’s vibration and, coming from my knowing of that essence within me, I began to contemplate on where it is that the spiritual - soul of me – the vaster, etheric experience of my essence - comes in to my physical body. I had already been connecting to the vastness of my being for several years, and in that vastness is so much beauty and freedom that is so far beyond this “little life” I’m living here on Earth. So in my contemplation I was guided to focus on my lower dantian, which is an energy centre just below the navel and close to the spine. Tuning in to that centre I felt a vortex of energy radiating and spinning with Source energy. This is the beginning - the moment when Source touches in on DNA and radiates into the physical body. This led to connecting with the middle and upper dantian centres, which are located at the heart and at the centre of the head. This information comes to us from ancient Chinese practices of martial arts – Qi Gong being the foundation of all martial arts - ancient Chinese medicine and also Buddhist meditation. I am not a Buddhist in this life, in fact I choose no affiliation with any philosophy or religion. But my choosing to explore these energy centres is part of my remembering who I am, which, to me is an essential part of our awakening journey.
This exploration has taken me to a deep place within and has connected me with my own Divine Soul Essence. All the work I’ve done and trainings I’ve had have led me to this place of assisting others in my Integral Soul sessions to connect with their Divine Soul Essence and clear out interference energies so they can draw this aspect of themselves gently forward into full embodiment – and I continue to do this work with myself. This embodiment requires us to let go of our story, and my writing out my story here is part of that process of letting go, opening me to the process of remembering who I really am as I move beyond the story of me and history of the world as I’ve been shown, into a vaster awareness of my Soul’s expression in many different realities. The opportunity to let go of our identity is happening for all of us. So the work I am doing will be evolving and changing in order to support this process.
I don’t profess to have all the answers about anything, but I know I am here on a mission for Humanity, Earth and Spirit to help Humanity, through love, rise into the Vastness of our Being together in unity, joy and freedom. As we awaken to the innocence of our Souls by casting off the density that has imprisoned us with lies in the form of fearful beliefs and stories of our unworthiness, we open to the delight and wonder of the great, beautiful awareness of our true connection to the Vastness of the All That Is. We also then get to experience ourselves as the creators of our world - individually and collectively. I see the next step for Humanity - for each of us - is to rise into unconditional love and unity by healing the Great Wound that we have sustained through the influence of fear and limitation. This healing will help us to remember our connection to Source so we can rise into being the Creator Human Beings that we are. Then we will expand into the Galactic realms where we can at last meet our Universal Families and take our place among the Councils and Creator Beings of the Universe.
I am a direct channel with The Vastness of Being offering guidance in monthly telecalls, group gatherings and in essays (The Vibe Report) on navigating our healing journey and connecting with the All That Is and our Divine Soul Essence. I am a painter of light and sound and I am also writing some fantasy fiction stories. I teach chair yoga, and am a lover of dogs and cats and people and nature in all her splendour, a pretty good cook and, lately, a musician using my voice, keyboard and ukulele to raise up the vibe.
Thank you for reading all this! Have fun, cultivate joy, be kind and loving to yourself.
Wishing you freedom and joy,
Nancy Leilah Ward
(I use the name Leilah - pronounced LEE-la)
Lyra, Dave, Blueberry and Hamish